im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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