Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
