you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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