I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
