I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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