If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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