history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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