Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
