Your tits are I can't wait for
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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