Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
