i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
