Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
