Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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