He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
