How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
