We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
