New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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