i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
