3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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