My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize