I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
