i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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