Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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