I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We need to get me chipped asap
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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