she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize