Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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