Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
