let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
