ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
