its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
