He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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