good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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