Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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