By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
