I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
