ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
