is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize