How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
