went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
