I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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