Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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