didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
