well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
