the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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