my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
