i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
