we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
