yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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