he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize