Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
