I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
