i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize