Its about making memories worth repressing
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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