I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize