he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
