alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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