I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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