just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
