my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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