im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
