i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His hands were made for my vagina.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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