i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
