Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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