Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
