i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
