I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
