Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
