I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
