somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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