Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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