i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
