Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
